These last three weeks have been particularly hard. I had convinced myself that this was our time, it was our turn….that there was a baby waiting for us on the other side of the Atlantic. I even looked up flights in anticipation of getting THE call. You know, most of our friends know that we carry our phones around just willing them to ring. Hoping that today is the day that our lives will change. It’s not that we’re being rude or feeling completely attached to our phones…maybe it’s that it gives us a sense of control in an otherwise tumultuous process.
I got a little teary a few days ago. The weight of our wait felt like too much. It was all just too raw and I let go. I hadn’t been sleeping much in the past little bit, so I assume that some of the tears could be contributed to that but I couldn’t keep the tears from falling. Our kids were all around and being the compassionate souls they are wanted to know why I was sad. Dad told them it was because mommy just wanted to meet our new baby. Our oldest replied with, “ya…us too. It’s been a long wait.”. Yes, little buddy, it has. You see, sometimes I can be so absorbed with how hard this is for Nik and I that I forget that there are 4 little people also longing to meet their newest little brother or sister. They pray for him or her daily. They ask for their safety and that we would be united soon. This makes me long for this little one even more. I want this baby to know just how much he or she is wanted and cared for already. There is so much love here.
So why do I share all of this? I didn’t mean to get so vulnerable and share so much but there is joy. So much joy in the wait. When I hear the kids talk about what her name will be (they all think it’s a girl), when they pray for that baby, when they talk about what he or she is doing….there’s joy. When I think about this wait as being a distant memory, there is joy. There is joy in hardship…..and waiting isn’t so much a hardship as it is a test of patience. And when have you ever experienced a test of your character to come up void?
Developing character is hard work and always worth it.